Life

Joe, I understand exactly what you and you family are going through. My sisters and I went through pretty much the same thing with our father and mother over the past 4 years. I try to explain to my kids what to expect when I get to the point of no return. It won't always be easy, but a necessary part of life that cannot be ignored. Best of luck to you and your family.

Joe O.

We did that with my mother as

We did that with my mother as well. Sometimes being able to grant the last request of someone is the biggest thing you can do for someone in their entire life. When they are unable to do things for themselves they really appreciate all the little things that you do for them.

In my Mothers final days I would sit at her kitchen table and build freight car kits while she was fading in or out. I would also watch movies with her and generally just be there for her. One of the last things she said to me was a question. She wanted to know if I would think of her when I was doing things with my trains after she was gone. I told her I would and still do to this day. I not only remember her final days but the times when I was a kid and she would drive the car to a vantage point so I could watch the trains working the yard in Benwood WV. That is one subject that will be modeled in my free-lanced line.

The memories from those events are not sad per se but happy in that I was able to take care of her until she passed on in her home. It is sad to lose a family member but one must make the best of the situation and find the joy that comes from giving to someone else.

It's just a part of life

Yep, it's just a part of life - getting old and needing assistance. I figure she took care of me when I was little and could not care for myself, so now it's my turn to pay back just a little of that. I am glad my last memories of her will include taking her in, caring for her, and spending time with her.

Joe, You are lucky to be able

Joe,

You are lucky to be able to do this. My mother passed away at the age of 67 with me living on a different continent and unable to do anything. Then my father followed her 10 months later.

It was hard for me not to be able to support them at this stage of their life but we couldn't move back to Germany because of my job and they couldn't come to live with us because of US immigration restrictions.

It's why we moved back to Oregon

I am from Oregon but I moved 500 miles away (Boise, Idaho) to get married and get a job when I graduated from college.

As the years went by, my wife and I felt it would be good to move to Oregon within a couple hours drive from my folks so we could be there in their old age. We moved when the kids were still in grade school so as to minimize the impact on their lives (didn't work, but that's another story). That was 1991.

About six years ago, it became clear my folks were starting to have issues, so we convinced them to move up within a couple blocks of us so we could give them assistance as needed. My wife's folks moved next door to her oldest brother in Texas, so they likewise had the assistance they needed (they're both gone now).

My dad passed in March 2016, which left my mom alone. She's declined in health such that she needs a lot of assistance now meeting her basic needs. She's still pretty lucid, just not very mobile.

So this is all according to plan, actually. It's how I ended up in Oregon with this house and 1991 is when the Siskiyou Line 1 started. Now with mom eventually passing, we're likely to relocate once that happens - hence the need to have a Siskiyou Line that can go with me ... and enter the TOMA Siskiyou Line 2.

Life's Timetable

Joe,

It sounds like your Mom's health slipped a bit faster than you anticipated/hoped for.  Glad you are able to provide her space and a good living solution.  Been there.  Enjoy the time with her now.

Bill Decker, McMinnville, OR

Joe, not only do you help us

Joe, not only do you help us become better modelers, by your example you also inspire us to be better people. Thank you....DaveB

You're welcome

You're welcome, Dave. I hesitate to make a big deal about what's going on outside of the hobby with me, but I thought a blog post was due explaining why the SL1 dismantling has been so slow. Once we've got mom's house on the market (by the end of the summer, I expect), I plan to kick the SL1 dismantle into high gear again.

Joe the fact that you are

Joe the fact that you are able to keep the magazine going while doing all the other things you do plus take care of an ageing relative is most impressive. Many other people would fall very short of what you do. Tip of the hat to you and your family for setting such a good example for the rest of us. I have often thought making a big deal out of doing the right thing should be something that is done more often so it would encourage others.

Seconded...

What Rob in Texas said! You are a hero for putting family first, and still finding time for everything else you do. Just, don't burn yourself out, and don't hesitate to ask for help! You have a LOT of folks here that would give whatever hand they can.

One of the things I learned about this hobby over the past several months, is that our hobby doesn't always end at the hobby. It's also about the friends we make in this hobby.

"Even a lone wolf modeler buys an extra throttle"*
*Sir Winston Churchill

(Churchill might not have actually said that...)

Lots of heroes on here

There are lots of heroes on here. For example, I know John Colley took care of his aging mother diligently for years. And our own Ken Patterson was a daily caregiver to his grand mother until the day she passed. Bill Decker, who commented on this thread, has been there and done this also. The list goes on of the heroes in this category.

I'm sure there are many more -- it's the great untold story of our generation.

You've been busy ...

... modeling 1:1 scale?  Wishing you all the best.  John

My parents are certainly heros....

They unfortunately have ended up needing to take care of me since I am unable to support myself (financially or physically - at times) and since I was unable to finish my college education I ended up moving back in with my parents 12 years ago. 

I am very fortunate, however, in that they support my wishes to continue in the hobby, so the basement has been "given" to me, and we are discussing the possibility of adding a second floor to the garage addition my dad wishes to make to the house so he can move all of his "quality used car parts" (most people would consider it junk ,however, I have seen some of this junk go for several hundreds of dollars for a part that was smaller than my arm!). 

So although I get very upset in not always making progress with the many projects I have, I have to constantly remind myself how luck I am to have a family that is so loving and supportive of me and my goals. 

 

You are inspiring on all fronts...

It is truly remarkable what you are doing for your mother and I'm sure her blessings & best wishes will ensure your all-round success with TOMA SL2 long after she is gone. We pray for an enjoyable and memorable time she spends with you.

I think a word of appreciation and respect must also go out to your wife who has stood by you on this decision and is no doubt equally committed as you.

These things are of paramount importance and they also strive to teach the next generation about choosing the right priorities in life at the right times.

May God bless your family and thanks very much for sharing this development with the rest of the modeling community.

Joydeep @ Kuwait

God Bless

May God Bless you dearly for what you and your wife are doing for your mother. It is great that you can do this because I know many people your age that no longer has their parents around and miss them each and every day. From the looks of it you have really went the extra mile to provide her comfort and joy.

Hopefully you can sneak in an hour here or there to have time for yourself every now and then. Having a hobby like ours is great medicine for each of us and goes a long way in keeping the effects of normal aging at bay. It keeps us mentally strong and alert. It also removes stress of our typical and sometimes not so typical lives. Surely taking care of someone that means the world to us gives us stress even when we don't recognize it. Eventually it catches up to us and we need a way to release it. Spending 30 minutes weathering a freight car or doing scenery on the Layout takes me away from everything else that is going on. For that small amount of time in my life I am free. And when I walk back upstairs I feel good and thankful I have such a wonderful hobby that keeps me going.

Just food for thought.

Tim G

Thanks, Joe for you sharing

Thanks, Joe for you sharing this change in life and others in the same boat, too.

I also am dealing with an aged mother and her medical issues although we live 500 miles away from her close to our kids and my only brother lives 1,000 miles away. Thankfully, my only sister cares for mom at 94, being only a mile away. Fortunately, mom has prepared well for her leaving this earth so many end of life preparations are in place. However, as time goes on we are making more trips to Illinois to visit and help.

Since I am also aging, ("barking" at the door of my 70th birthday) my wife and I are beginning to experience medical changes in our life which brings this conversation to our hobby. For those of us who keep putting off building any kind of a layout...don't put it off just acquiring lots of stuff and expecting "someday" to build the grand layout! Build something, much like Joe's TOMA to get trains running NOW...not later.

When we moved back to Minnesota, after I retired from the railroad, with fifty years of service I brought with me a portable, HO. wye/switching module to use both as beginning for a new home layout as well as a teaching aid to help modelers understand how the prototype operates. While this module has been successful at Prototype Modeling meets as a "hands on" experience for modelers to try their hand switching it was a bit large to fit into my new home layout ...but it did spur me on to build the new one and have trains running soon after we settled in our condo.

Blessings, for all the care givers on this site.

Barry

My mother-in-law lives in an

My mother-in-law lives in an apartment on the next floor up from us. She is 91 and , like Joe's mom, lucid but not very mobile -and she is nearly blind! So far, we can cope with my good wife passing between both apartments on a regular basis.  The apartments are exactly the same layout (except mirror images) and are two bedroom units. 

My railroad - and all my other hobbies - are in our second bedroom which we call "the hobby room". We have a large living room so Valerie has the run of that for her jigsaws, etc. 

Noises are starting to be made that mum might not get through the next winter living on her own so I am starting to make small plans for moving into a corner of the bedroom. I am just getting the railroad going - the track is down, all the electrics are done and I am starting to both run trains and put down scenery. It seems that I never get any further than this! TOMA beckons as, sad as it may seem, I will get the room back eventually. Still, it is important for Valerie's mother to be looked after. I will have ample time for model railroads later. She is a good old stick and deserves all the support that we can give her.

Why TOMA makes sense

Yes, it's these changes in life that lead to me thinking more about building a home layout using sectional / modular methods - hence TOMA.

I never thought TOMA would come home to roost with me too, but as my wife and I discussed our future desires, it became clear relocating was likely after mom passes. My 26 year old layout also had issues that I just dealt with, but as I thought of relocating, the current layout was clearly dumpster fodder. 

I didn't want to work on a layout I knew was headed for the dumpster, and so dismantling the current layout and refinishing the basement back to a normal basement for an easier house sale when the time came makes a lot of sense. I can refinish the basement without a "gotta sell the house" deadline right now and I can start on a TOMA version of my layout that I know can go with me.

It just made all kinds of sense to do this.

We've also realized that with your home layout using a TOMA approach, as the later years of your life approach, you can also downsize your existing layout as you downsize your living quarters.

Frankly, the flexibility of TOMA and the automatic scope management it gives you (keeps any given layout building project constrained to just a module section or two at a time) are compelling advantages to me.

TOMA also feeds the "instant gratification" mindset our culture has developed, so we see it as an approach that should automatically be considered by every modeler who wants to do a layout.

Our goal is to promote TOMA until it reaches that point - that it's an "always considered" layout building approach that's on the table at first as an option. TOMA's not for everyone, but we feel it should always be carefully considered and then ruled out by any modelers who want to build a layout.

"Our goal is to promote TOMA

    It seems the euro/Uk modelers might already consider TOMAish layouts  to be a norm? They seem to have lots of display type self contained set ups . I guess because their houses are typically smaller and not well suited for the US large space approach......DaveB 

It's not easy

My sisters took care of our parents since they are or were still in CA. Now they are both gone and my wife and I are dealing with her folks. Her dad past on about a month ago. It was quick when the time came but hard watching it creep in over the last year or so. Lot's of good lesions for us boomers and our kids.

One description I heard a long time ago seems to sum it up pretty well. We're kids, we're adults, we're wise grandparents, we're kids again in adult bodies. Life is a circle.

Jack

Family First

Having dealt with disposing

Having dealt with disposing of the assets of both sets of parents, mine and my wife's, I have some advice I would give anyone - take the things that are of value to you, then call an estate sale company. They will know what will sell and what won't, they can sort the trash from the treasures and dispose of the trash, the company we worked with told us when they found something they thought may be of value to the family, and they can usually find a "buy out" person to take what is left from the sale. I wish I had known this before trying to clean out the property the first time I was faced with the issue. It would have saved so much time and money. Repairs - you're on your own. We decided to fix one house and move in along with my model railroad, which moved in sections - sort of proto TOMA, but not that tidy. With the other house we were lucky enough to find a friend of the family that wanted to buy it "as is."

Life...

is what happens when we are busy making plans, eh? Regards, John Colley, Sonoma, CA.

Best Wishes to you and your Family

Your family will be in our prayers. May God bless you and yours.