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Bernd, I think you're on the right track...
The Kadee coupler is almost already as it is for an operating coupler system. if you were to take that "brake hose," straighten it, and then bend it up 90 degrees, and then rotate it 90 degrees [so that it's normal to the centerline of the car] you have an effective lever arm attached to the knuckle of the coupler. Now, attach a solenoid or other motion device to this arm with a wire - power on, solenoid energized, coupler open; power off, solenoid deactivates, coupler automatically closes - all thanks to the "evil' kadee coupler spring! This answers the mechanical question and it also answers the "what happens when you lose power" question. It's also backwards compatible to all pre-exisiting kadee couplered equipment. Feasible? I don't know much about solenoids - only that this setup would be able to use a number of control arms.
It would be slick if we could do the communication wireless, while feeding the power to the car through the trucks. I think this would be best only because information in the track is very sensitive to dirt.
I think it would be easy to design a 4 function decoder that fits in a sill or under an end - a postage stamp or a stick sort of decoder. It would be surface mount circuit board, a design file that has 100 or 1000 on a card, which is then cut up by a lasercutter at the end of the assembly line. Hence, a DCC decoder is only as expensive as the run. I think decoder design will be best handled by the big players, and they will, once the need becomes widely apparent.
I do believe DCC is only cumbersome and awkward if one insists on continuing to use an operating system that isn't even on the same level as DOS. Yes, we have to move to the GUI.
Once you're in a GUI interface, couplers and cars and car orientation is all a manner of software engineering. the one thing I foresee the user having to do is walk the train once and correct the car ends, so that the system knows which coupler you are activating when you say "THAT one." You'd do this by walking the train once, "connecting brake hoses." As you come to each car, you tell the system which end has the brakewheel, and the system correctly correlates the icons with each coupler. Your manifest appears as a "box" full of car icons. You scroll down to the car you want to disconnect [the car icons scroll up and down], activate the car [highlights the icon], then activate the proper end, and the system sends out the right information to open that coupler. If the system is really smart, it activates both that coupler and the one attached to it.
Once we have common use of the GUI, I can easily foresee a time where we operate using tablets. This would allow us to open our switch list on the same pane where our throttle interface is, our consist information is, and our manifest information is. This does away with all that operations paperwork, even the time table and the fast clock, because these things would all appear within the tablet pane. But again, this is all software engineering...
The only thing I don't like about the infrared wand is the fact that I'd then have to carry two devices to interact with the trains, or carry along a second operator. This is like carrying a phone, a camera, a calculator, and a clock, when I could carry a single device with all devices converged together. If I'm carrying a GUI tablet with me to operate my consist [you'll see more and more of this as smart-device technology becomes cheaper] then it'd only make sense that I'd operate the couplers through that device as well.
Anyhow...we'll see this unfold in my lifetime, of this I have no doubt. DCC came around about 1993? So I figure Remote Couplers [DCC+ => DCCNEXT => DCCAFTER, perhaps] will be standard operating items by around 2027 - you won't be able to buy a car without it at that point. provided things stay constant. You might say that's eons away, but I still remember where I was in 1993...do you? Blink of an eye...