Normally I work as a switchman on the Polar Express railroad. But due to cut backs and layoffs I was the second fireman on the last 2012 Polar Express run to Santa’s workshop. I worked my but off shoveling coal all the way to the North Pole.

While everyone was partying and loading up Santa’s slay, the Polar Express was uncoupled and moved to the roundhouse for the turnaround maintenance. So I had a few minutes, and went into the “Long Nights Pub” to have a few light cool aids.  I downed that first ice cold cool aid and sat down to relax a bit. 

There was a good crowd of elves all laughing, talking and having an all around good time. I looked down the bar and noticed several of Santa’s helpers, two blonds and a redhead. I didn’t know Santa had women helpers.

But I guess, with the way things are today, if he had not hired any women to fill these positions the government and ACLU lawyers would be on his case, quicker than kids running down to see what they got on Christmas morning.   

As I drank my second cool aid, I saw several of the senior elves had started talking and joking around with Santa’s women helpers. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop,  but I couldn’t help but hear bits and pieces of their conversations.  I wrote them down and thought you may get a smile or two from the elves pick-up lines.  

You’d look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.

I taught Santa everything he knows.

Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you.

I’ve got the keys to the sleigh tonight. 

I can get you off the Naughty List if.....

You know, I think I might be able to use one or two of those myself.

See ya

Switchman AKA: Ron